Let's Talk About Resilience... Again
Well I don’t know about you but these memes really resonated with me... And although they are pretty funny, those quick-hit punchlines carry serious weight behind them. And those quick-hits hurt.
If 2019 was personally really hard for you but you’re doing ok right now, I hear you.
If 2020 has been the best year you could have hoped for, I’m genuinely happy for you.
If 2020 hasn’t panned out to be what you were hoping for and it seems like you can’t catch a break, I feel you.
Here’s where I’m at… I’m hurting, I’m unsettled, I’m anxious, I’m exhausted. And I’m ok. I’m safe.
Let me give you a little context to give you an idea where those feelings all stem from. To do so, let’s dive into a recent journal entry of mine. It’s a bullet point list of experiences I perceived to be pretty shitty and it’s titled “If I can survive all this…” (all of which happened within one month).
I was sick for nearly 2 weeks, I constantly felt tired and weak. No fun.
I showed up at a bar to meet a friend and saw a large group of other people whom I thought were my friends all hanging out...without me, no invitation and no apology about leaving me out. Have you ever experienced that...as an adult? Let me tell you, it flipping hurts.
A tornado hit Nashville and touched down 2 streets from my apartment.
We lost power for a week because of the storm and had to bop around from place to place all while trying to process that we were “lucky.” There was (and still is) so much devastation from the storm that I felt guilty for being upset we didn’t have power. So I ignored the need to be upset with how it impacted us.
Tyler got a flat tire from running over debris from the storm.
Tyler’s car fell off the carjack while I was trying to fix said flat tire. He wasn’t there when this happened...yikes. The car repairs cost a lot of money we weren’t planning on.
COVID19 & the reality we are all living because of it.
We won’t be back in school until mayyyyybe end of April.
So like I said...2020 hasn’t exactly been off to a phenomenal start, for me. And maybe you read the above list and thought to yourself, “okay Hads, that's bad but...let me tell you about the shit I’ve been through.” And I believe you. I believe we’ve all lived through some pretty rough times. Maybe you’re a small business owner or restaurant owner and you’ve been affected by the storms or COVID19 or both. Maybe your home and literally all of your belongings were destroyed by the storm and you’re needing to navigate through “Work from Home” but you don’t have a home. That is a serious hardship and I can’t imagine what you’re feeling and if there’s something you need, please ask.
My point is, we’ve all had to tap into our bank of resilience. The other day I was talking with Tyler about all of this and what it means to be resilient. Let me say that his list of perceived “shitty experiences” is a bit longer than mine. And so he’s been struggling.
He said to me, “Hads I’m tired of it. I’m tired of life throwing so many obstacles at us, making us prove how resilient we are. But what other choice do we have…”
What is resilience?
So let’s talk about what resilience is. You may remember that we’ve already done this theme last year, Elly wrote a great piece on it! To quote her, “Resilience is the ability to cope with and bounce back from negative events, challenges, or change. It requires positive emotions, especially a sense of hope. Resilience is something that we all have. But just like our muscles, our resilience skills only strengthen when we are aware of them and when we actively work on exercises to make them stronger.”
In these times where it feels like one punch after another, how are you responding to the situation? Do you maintain the hope that things will get better? How? How do you remain calm and, dare I say, positive in the world we are living in right now? Resilience.
Being resilient does not mean you don’t still experience the pain and anxieties from challenges. But do you succumb to those challenges or do you surmount? How you respond can help to make sure those challenges don’t dictate the outcome of your life. An article I read online explained adversities as a constant calculation, which side weighs more, the stressors or your resilience? The way you perceive these challenges is key to strengthening your resilience. Do you think of challenges to be defeating or can you view them as an opportunity to learn and grow?
Let’s try to apply this!
Take today, right now... think about everything you consider an obstacle/challenge/stressor in your life. I’m guessing you’re not living your “normal” everyday life.
That can be frustrating/annoying/unproductive/unsettling.
OR it can be __________(you fill in the blank...the idea is something more positive;) ).
How does it feel to sit with the second phrase?
Another little tip for handling life’s challenges…
My therapist has helped me to practice the strategy of closing my eyes and repeating to myself, “I am safe. My feet are on the ground. I’m breathing in. I’m breathing out. I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.” This moment of pause usually helps me to start shifting my mindset. It helps me to surmount, not succumb. It helps me build resilience.
**Note: In the grand scheme of things my challenges may seem minute. That is a privilege for me and I’m practicing becoming more and more aware of my privileges. And I still have my own challenges that are valid in my life.**
I struggled to wrap this up, so I’ll leave you with this short piece from Rupi Kaur. I think humanity as a whole is practicing resilience.
by Hadley